I’m already stressed that I’m not doing enough as a mom—I’m not present enough, I work too much, I forgot to read a story to them last night before bed, my house is messy, I was grumpy the other night, I didn’t join the PTA…I could go on. Feeling like I’m harming my kids when they have a little added sugar only heaps on what I’m already grappling with on a daily basis.

Turns out, dietitians get it.

While dietitians agree that Americans as a whole need to cut back on added sugar, they stress that swearing it off entirely is not the way to go. “It is incredibly important that children receive early nutrition education and exposure to a wide variety of foods,” Meghan Reed, MS, RD, clinical nutrition manager at Northwell’s Lenox Hill Hospital, tells SELF. “Restrictive dietary approaches, however, are not an effective teaching tool.”

Reed points out that recommendations need to be “realistic” and “designed to empower families”—not add to our stress. This recommendation “ignores how children live,” Dena Champion, RD, a dietitian at The Ohio State University Wexner Medical Center, tells SELF. “Birthday parties, school celebrations, holidays with grandparents, and normal social experiences all involve food,” she points out. It also sets kids up to become obsessive about sugar, Champion says. “When we make foods completely off-limits, we risk creating shame, secrecy, and an unhealthy fixation on those ‘forbidden’ foods,” she explains. “Children need to learn how to navigate a world where sweets exist.”

Lisa Moskovitz, RD, CDN, CEO of NY Nutrition Group and author of The Core 3 Healthy Eating Planalso tells SELF that these added sugar recommendations don’t make sense for families. “As a dietitian who works with children and a mother myself, all I can say is that whoever made the recommendation to avoid all added sugar until 10 doesn’t have children themselves,” she says. “Not only is that impossible when you walk inside a school cafeteria, but I believe it would cause more harm to stress over every gram of added sugar that goes into your children’s mouth than it would be to let them enjoy the occasional cookie or cereal bar. It is unrealistic and overly restrictive.”